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Velvet Typhoon 05 Sep : 11:00
We had our first football game yesterday.
They had 3rd and 4th Battalions form up in the endzones, and whenever a team scored, interceive
d, changed possession
. . .really, whenever anything at all happened during the game, we did about 20 pushups.
it was motivating
.
turdferguson49 03 Sep : 13:41
A long weekend and the beginning of football season? Can't get much better than this!
Master Pre 03 Sep : 10:40
College Football weekend, L4D2, GoW2, Golf, Coffee...t
his is going to be the perfect weekend.
motaboy82 02 Sep : 15:23
Bring the wheel barrow, take two crushed earings! sales were up 267% for the quarter thanks to RDR. Now they have 300 million in cash on hand to invest on another title or two
Master Pre 02 Sep : 09:50
I meet your RDR with Starcraft II and the upcoming Diablo III.
Acti
vision FTW!
Atlas in Flames 01 Sep : 19:59
I bought a used copy so... I guess you're not welcome...
Explanations of these events: a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. b) I witnessed another person do it. c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened.
1. My manager DOES know me, and I do NOT do what I want.
2. Valhalla is not an acceptable retirement plan.
3. A bayonet is not an acceptable means of removing staples.
4. "Yanana" is not a word.
5. I may not train the family dog to attack when I yell "Get some!"
6. I may not use the microwave to kill things.
7. I may not commit insurance fraud on company time.
8. My bedroom wall is not a target for throwing knives.
9. I am not allowed to draw a Hitler mustache with a Sharpie.
10. I am not allowed to create a Hitler mustache out of cat hair.
11. I am not Dr. House, and I am not allowed to prescribe anything.
12. Not even if the "patient" believes me.
13. I am not allowed to incite revolution.
14. I am not allowed to imply that Security uses black magic.
15. I am not allowed to imply that Foxwoods employees are impotent.
16. My father is not a "limp wristed, panty waisted, lily livered chicken shit who epitomizes mediocrity."
17. I am not allowed to purchase liquor, even if my supervisor told me it was "really delicious."
18. I may not create roadblocks.
19. I am no longer allowed to speak in a German accent.
20. I am not Dolemite.
21. I am not allowed to sell pornography to anyone under the age of 14, or older than 65.
22. On second thought, I am not allowed to sell pornography.
23. I did not build this city on rock and roll.
24. I do not watch the Watchmen.
25. I am not a psychic.
26. I am not authorized to create a gang at the front desk.
27. I may not call cadence at the gymnasium treadmills.
28. Company time is NOT knife sharpening time.
29. I may not play mindgames without the consent of the other party.
30. Suicide isn't funny.
31. Attempted suicide is not "failing at failing."
32. I was never abducted by the Gray Aliens, the Masons, or the FBI.
33. My grandmother is not the antichrist.
34. Dick Cheney is NOT "an alright guy."
35. I may not direct traffic.
36. If someone is inclined to believe what I tell them, I am not allowed to talk to them.
37. I do not have PTSD stemming from my time in the Trojan War.
38. I am not the Queen of Cheese.
39. Clothing is mandatory.
40. Speculating on Chewbacca's penis size is not an acceptable pastime.
41. Pregnant women do NOT want to hear about "A Modest Proposal."
42. There are no diseases named after me.
43. Zombie defense is not a priority when budget planning fiscal year 2010.
44. I am not "Lemmy without the moles."
45. I do not have a personal radio, and should stop talking into my wrist as if I did.
46. I am not allowed to joust with the handicapped.
47. Even if he does have a second scooter I could use.
48. "A chest toupee and a fruit roll up kilt" are not acceptable for Casual Fridays.
49. I do not own a "sexy party helicopter."
50. I must not mime fellatio as a tool to demonstrate flaws in personal character.
51. I do not have "retard strength."
52. Charles Whitman (the guy who sniped the people from the observation tower at the University of Austin) and God are really nothing alike.
53. "Personal Space Invader" is not a career option.
[ Edited Wed Mar 10 2010, 10:24PM ] In the immortal words of the great warrior poet Ice Cube, "If the day does not require an AK, the day is good."
54. Three Rivers Community College is NOT a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
55. It is never a good time to scream "Incoming!"
56. I am not allowed to submit confidential company documents to Failblog.
57. Obi-Wan Kenobi cannot take responsibility for any of my actions. In the immortal words of the great warrior poet Ice Cube, "If the day does not require an AK, the day is good."
Atlas in Flames Advocatus Diaboli -------------------------- "In my life I'd not soften things that cut and burn so often." Alice in Chains, "It Ain't Like That"
"Si pecasse negamus, fallimur, et nulla est in nobis veritas." If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and there's no truth in us.
Josh, that was the ULTIMATE REBUTTAL!!! Plus I feel like my lame attempt at humor is somehow validated due to the prophecy. Can you please cite your source though?
Josh, that was the ULTIMATE REBUTTAL!!! Plus I feel like my lame attempt at humor is somehow validated due to the prophecy. Can you please cite your source though?
Source: PROPHECY.
Atlas in Flames Advocatus Diaboli -------------------------- "In my life I'd not soften things that cut and burn so often." Alice in Chains, "It Ain't Like That"
"Si pecasse negamus, fallimur, et nulla est in nobis veritas." If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and there's no truth in us.
Josh, that was the ULTIMATE REBUTTAL!!! Plus I feel like my lame attempt at humor is somehow validated due to the prophecy. Can you please cite your source though?
Source: PROPHECY.
Is there a wiki page for this prophecy? I use google and wiki for all my researching when it comes to scientific (or in this case, prophetic) fact. :lol
Josh, that was the ULTIMATE REBUTTAL!!! Plus I feel like my lame attempt at humor is somehow validated due to the prophecy. Can you please cite your source though?
Source: PROPHECY.
Is there a wiki page for this prophecy? I use google and wiki for all my researching when it comes to scientific (or in this case, prophetic) fact. :lol
The Prophecy would actually help a whole hell of a lot with the research paper I'm supposed to be doing right now. . .
In the immortal words of the great warrior poet Ice Cube, "If the day does not require an AK, the day is good."
58. I cannot request another nametag to read "Velvet Typhoon."
59. No, I cannot speak to who is in charge.
60. A "lap dance-off" is not an acceptable means of settling disputes.
61. Nothing in the workplace would be improved "with guns and explosions and a bear giving a shark a high five all over it."
62. "If you fail and there is no one around, have you really failed at all?" does not apply to Brennan McGuire.
63. If an item could be used for a Motorhead album cover, I am not allowed to bring it to the workplace.
64. This especially applies to the really cool skull I found in the woods.
65. I am not allowed to convert vehicles that do not belong to me into "Killdozers."
66. Firearms are not to be used for playing air guitar (this applies in conjunction with rule #35). In the immortal words of the great warrior poet Ice Cube, "If the day does not require an AK, the day is good."
67. When placing an order at the local Chinese restaurant, the NATO phonetic alphabet should not be used. (C-39 should not be read as "Charlie Three Niner").
68. When someone tells me that they've heard a great deal about me, the correct response is not "Oh, I just put a sock in my trousers. Simple misunderstanding."
69. Clowns do not shit evil.
70. I may not accrue sexual favors.
71. The following phrases are never to be said again: Cracker please, bubblegum nipples, high speed retarded, unfuck, slap-i-tare, cunt sludge, grabasstic, I like your booty (but I'm not gay), and any reference to Gene Simmons' tongue.
72. Booze is not a remedy.
73. I am not allowed to choose call signs for my coworkers.
74. Nor am I allowed to implement prior mentioned call signs without the knowledge of said coworkers.
75. Even if it's a really cool call sign like "Darkside Six."
76. Informed consent does not depend on personal interpretation.
77. Nobody is ever "calling me out," and an "escalation of force" is never the correct answer.
78. Liquid Wrench Silicone Spray is never to be used as a personal lubricant. In the immortal words of the great warrior poet Ice Cube, "If the day does not require an AK, the day is good."
